Silent Cry For Help
by littleboots1996
Summary: Even the strongest of us struggle and with the recent drama's in her life she was finally cracking. That ice cool facade she had was vanishing. She was finding herself becoming lower and lower until someone offers her help but she doesn't want to admit how she really feels. Will it all be too late? Later references which may be difficult for some readers.
1. Chapter 1 - Everyone Goes Your Way

Chapter 1 – Everyone Goes Your Way

Connie had always been in control of her life and was used to getting her own way. It wasn't intentional to create problems between her and her staff, but she wasn't there to make friends. Everyone always saw her as a strong and independent leader with no emotion, but even the best of us struggle from time to time.

The past few months had been no end of trouble for the clinical lead. First losing Grace to her father, then being accused of assisted euthanasia to Alfred Maxwell. The final icing on the cake was the firey end to her predecessors wedding. She found herself treating not only Zoe, but the one person who had really shown her he cared. Charlie was ill, and there didn't seem to be much she could do about it.

" _I know what that means Nurse Freeman, but I am not giving up on him." She stepped forward and continued compressions on her friend. "Come on Charlie, you're not leaving, not like this." Rita checked for a pulse and closed her eyes sighing when there was a slight beat. It was weak, but it was there. "We've a pulse, let's move him to ICU now." Connie moved back and allowed the porter to move Charlie upstairs._

After nursing Charlie back to health, he slowly returned to work however Connie seemed to just get worse. Sitting at home on her own every evening was beginning to take its toll on her and she couldn't see past it.

"Morning Mrs Beauchamp, Guy dropped some files off this morning which are all ready in your office." She didn't even acknowledge them as she wandered past reception. Lofty, Ethan and Cal were gathered by the nurses' station watching as Connie strutted in. "Something's weird with her at the moment, sure she's normally straight-laced but this is, well just weird." Lofty spoke to the brothers who both knew what he said was true but neither had any clue of what they could do to help.

Cal had been treating patients most the morning but realised he hadn't once seen Mrs Beauchamp since she arrived. Normally she'd have enjoyed walking round and moaning at people about something they were doing, especially him. He wandered towards her office and noticed that the blinds were open slightly showing a smashed picture on her desk but nobody at the table. He knocked softly before opening the door to see Connie with her back against the wall crying.

Cal closed the door behind him and half expected to have his head bitten off by the clinical lead. "Connie, is everything okay?" Nothing. It was like she wasn't even there, and it scared him. Cal looked at the table and noticed that there was also a glass smashed on the floor which must have contained something beforehand, it wasn't hard to guess what. The picture had been one of her and Grace, but now it lay amongst the glass completely destroyed. "What's wrong with me?" He heard a faint voice ask as he turned back to Connie.

It had been a shock to see her so broken, but there was no way he was turning his back on her now. No matter how much she had pushed him down previously, she needed someone right now and he's be there. Cal carefully moved towards Connie and sat on the floor next to her. "There's nothing wrong with you…" He leant against the wall and shuffled closer to her. She began to sob again and Cal moved his arm around her shoulders. "Hey shh, everything's going to be okay. You're an amazing woman, you'll get through this."

He felt his shirt dampen with her tears as he hugged her tighter. It felt wrong to be witnessing something so personal from Connie but she was on a downwards spiral which was doomed from the start. "Connie, you've cut your hand…" He took it in his and had a look before going to stand up. "I'm going to get something to clear that up and then I'm taking you home."

Cal disappeared to find some bandages to wrap up his bosses hand. "Dr Knight I need you to look at a patient-" "I can't right now, sorry Rita." She stood there stunned, not sure what the young doctor was playing at. Cal grabbed what he needed before heading back towards the office. "Cal, why has Rita just told me you were ignoring her instructions?" Zoe stood between him and where he needed to be. "Dr Hanna, please trust me when I say that it's important." She looked at him and saw what he was holding. She stepped aside and let him carry on.

A few minutes of complete silence and Cal had finished cleaning Connie's hand and she was beginning to sober up. "I've called a taxi, there's no way I'm letting you drive home in this state." She looked towards him as if to argue back that she was fine but instead left it and looked away. He managed to get her outside unnoticed "Go home, and sleep this off. You might think you're useless, but this place needs you, I need you. So sober up and sort yourself out Mrs Beauchamp." Connie blankly stared at him taking everything in before sitting down and driving off into the distance.

Cal cleaned the office, getting rid of the smashed glass and placing the photo into one of her drawers. He felt as though he was intruding but didn't want to leave the place a mess for anyone else to see. For all her flaws, Cal cared about Connie and wanted to be there to help her. Although he knew that at some point this would probably backfire, he wanted to at east try.


	2. Chapter 2 - All About You

**Thank you for all the reviews, favourites/follows and those who just quietly read this. This is something I've never tried before as it is a lot more serious than anything I've ever written. There's a warning now for future references to things which may cause concern/be a difficult subject for some. (I'll highlight at the beginning of the chapter if it is one). Please continue to review, thank you so much! x**

Chapter 2 – All About You

The hospital was fairly quiet and under control the next day. Charlie and Duffy had just finished speaking to the other nurses, assigning positions for the day ahead. Ethan, Lily and Cal were standing by the nurses' station as Honey approached with three hot drinks. "Morning, thought you could all do with a brew this morning." She flashed a warm smile to Ethan before handing them all over and leaning forward to speak to them all. 

Almost on the dot the clicking of heels could be heard throughout the department. Connie stopped at reception to collect her post from Louise before continuing forward towards her office. As she got there she looked towards the staff standing around talking. "Is this what you're paid for? Standing around drinking glorified coffee from a barista who can hardly pronounce her own job role properly?" And as if like that, Connie was back to normal. Cal looked towards her confused as to what the hell was going on in her head. 

Everyone hurried around for the rest of the morning, making sure they were always doing something. Connie had remained in her office completing the paperwork she should have been doing yesterday but not got around to. After a while Connie sat back slightly and sighed looking towards her emails where a message from Grace had been sitting for hours now. As she went to open it there was a knock on the door which she resented almost immediately.

"Come in!" Connie didn't look up as the door was opened and closed with someone stepping inside. "Is there something you wanted or did you just plan to waste more of the hospitals money?" Cal moved forward shaking his head. "Are you for real?" Connie finally looked up "Excuse me?" Did he really just speak to her like that? "You know what, one minute you can barely function and now you're snapping at everyone-" "Dr Knight if you don't like the way that I 'snap' at people then I suggest you hand your resignation in now and find somewhere else to work. Maybe somewhere that you're actually paid to stand round and do nothing as that seems to be your specialty right about now."

Cal scoffed at what she was saying. "Seriously?" Her posture didn't falter once, "Unbelievable…" Cal turned around opening the door and slamming it closed behind him. How could someone go from totally broken to barking orders like that in a matter of hours?

Connie remained staring blankly at her computer screen before deciding to answer the email to her only daughter later after calming down. How could Cal even think about speaking to her in that way? She began thinking of things to make his life hell in the hospital but was bought out of her trance from a knocking on the door. "Sorry to interrupt but you're needed in resus. Major RTC on the way in, several young children involved. Damage is yet to be assessed." She nodded to the ginger nurse standing in her doorway before standing up and following her out the door.

After only 15 minutes the first patient had been declared unresponsive by Zoe and Rita, whilst Connie was still working on the youngest of the casualties. There was no output and it wasn't looking good for her. Over the other side of the room Dylan was working with Cal and Lofty on yet another child of only 10 years old who was beginning to come round. "Hey there mate, I need you to stay still for me because you've hurt your leg. I'm a doctor, we're just trying to patch you up and get you out of here alright?" The young boy nodded to Cal and stayed motionless.

Connie was completing the 10th cycle of CPR and still had no output. "Right I want to complete a chest drain to remove some of the fluid from her lungs, it should help her with breathing." Nobody moved as they watched the clinical lead step down and move to the girls side. "Robyn? Sometime today would be brilliant!" The nurse quickly moved to get the equipment she needed and handed it to Connie.

A few moments later and Connie stepped back waiting. Come on, come on… She prayed for some kind of response, anything. The machines slowly beeped back to life and Connie moved to check for a pulse. She sighed before looking to Max "Get her upstairs now, I'll ring them and tell them you're coming."

Connie phoned upstairs before seeing how Dylan was getting on with his patient. "And I think we're all ready to get you moved out of here now." Cal smiled at the young boy who had just been sat up in the bed. Connie watched as some nurses began cleaning the areas they had been working in. They were gossiping about something that had happened earlier in the day and Connie rolled her eyes turning to face them. "I'd appreciate it if you could try and put your personal life's to one side for at least your shift and do what you're paid for."

Cal had witnessed the little outburst as Dylan left resus and turned to his boss. "Was there really any need for that?" Why'd he have to speak? Connie spun to face him "Who do you think you are Dr Knight? Because right now I think you're punching way above your weight and you need to remember exactly who you are." Connie went to walk past him as he reached for her wrist. "Connie-" "DR KNIGHT! My office, now!" She pulled away and left resus with him following her.

As soon as he shut the door she let loose. "I don't know what the hell you think you know, but seriously stop pretending to be some kind of saviour who always knows best. I've had enough of your attitude today and I am seriously close to suspending you after the complete lack of respect that you've been showing. Now get out of my office before I do something we will both regret happening."

Cal stood shocked, shrugging at this mess. "So I come in here to a completely broken down woman, patch her up and get her home safely. Come back and clear the mess that SHE made so that she didn't have to be reminded of it, and yet I'm treated as though I'm crap on the bottom of your shoe! Seriously what the hell is so wrong in your head? I think you need to sort your own messed up life before yelling orders at everyone round here who do nothing but what you yell at them to do… And god forbid those who actually care and try to help you hey…" Cal turned to walk away before looking back "You know what, I should have left you sitting in here in your own mess. I really wish I hadn't have wasted my time with you." Before Connie even had time to answer he was gone with a load bang as the door closed. The argument hadn't been quiet, and everyone was watching as Cal stormed out of the office and out of the ED.

After a few moments Connie left the office with her next target in line. She needed to regain control of everything and seeing as Cal was already gone she had to speak to someone else. "Ah Nurse Freeman. Would you mind trying to keep your staff in line and make sure they do what their paid for-" Rita went to speak but was cut off immediately by Connie. "I've had enough of hearing childish gossip all day, and as for the rate at which they work, my deaf and disabled grandparents could move quicker than them."

Rita was ready to blow. "Okay, for one _your_ staff aren't much better with the gossip. How dare you insult my staff and treat them like they're worthless. Unless you hadn't realised without the nursing team you'd struggle to get through a single day here-" "Well I'm sure we'd be able to try. Sort it out, or I will." She turned her back on the raging blond and went back into her office.

Today had been successful, two pissed off members of staff and several more seriously hating her guts. What more could happen this week?

 **So all my chapter titles are after various songs. I listen to music whenever I write and they have helped to influence each chapter. The previous chapter was Everyone Goes Your Way by Ella Eyre, this one was All About You also by Ella Eyre.**


	3. Chapter 3 - In The Shadows

Chapter 3 – In The Shadows

"Don't you dare tell me what to do… She's only 8 years old and you want to give up on her!" Connie continued compressions as Rita stood opposite watching as tears began to fall down the consultants face. She'd cracked, it hadn't taken long since the first time. Lofty and Ethan stood around the bed looking away not able to face the sight in front of them any longer.

Connie continued compressions as Cal stepped closer placing a hand on her arm. "Stop, let her go now before she ends up in more pain. Please, let her go…" Connie slowly began letting off, she looked up at the doctor in front of her not really seeing anyone. "She's hardly any older than Grace, she's just a child. Who am I to go out there and tell people that there was nothing else we could do?" With that she stepped away and left resus…

 _The day started with nothing too exciting. Connie had been strutting around the department for three weeks since practically telling Cal to either shut up or leave the department and making Rita hate her more if that was even possible. It was as though the previous events with Cal hadn't happened as there was no sign of any emotion within Connie._

 _Charlie had been noticing how 'strong-willed' Connie had been in recent weeks and knew that there was something bothering her. He hadn't bothered to ask her about it as he knew she would just shut him down and end the conversation._

" _Connie we have a patient on the way in who's been caught in the middle of a break in. Lost a lot of blood at the scene and is in a critical way. She's only 8 years old…" Those words hit her hard. A child, with everything ahead of themselves finding themselves on a hospital bed needing immediate medical attention. Not exactly what Connie had been hoping for today._

 _Connie left the office straight away and addressed the staff outside. "Staff nurse Masters, I understand that you've got the security covered with the current patient in resus?" She received a nod "Of course-" "Good. Charlie and Zoe can you please keep an eye on the patient and inform me of any changes. Dr Knight and Nurse Freeman I need you in with resus with me, there's a child on their way in seriously injured. Nurse Miller please prep resus, they're due any minute."_

 _The day moved so fast around Connie she didn't even notice how long the girl had been down for. "It's been almost 40 minutes Connie, you can't keep going-" "Don't you dare tell me what to do… She's only 8 years old and you want to give up on her!"_

Connie had gone to her office, got her coat and bag and left the ED. It was almost the end of the shift and the rest of the staff were heading out for a drink after the rough day they'd had. Even after everything Cal still worried about his boss. Before leaving he decided to check in on her, she'd been hit pretty hard by the young girls death. On checking her office he noticed all her stuff was gone and patient files had been pushed from the desk across the floor. He stood taking the site in for a few moments and took a deep breath. "Please don't do anything stupid…"

After several drinks people began making their way home. Cal had decided not to drink as he had to work the following morning and didn't need anyone on his case with a hangover. As he was leaving the pub he noticed someone sitting on a bench close to the ED. It was dark, but it was almost impossible for Cal to not recognise the silhouette that sat shaking a few feet from him. Looking up at the sky he yelled at himself internally before he began walking towards her.

As he got closer he heard the all too familiar sound of crying. "Jesus Connie, how much have you had to drink?" He sat down next to her as she turned to face him. "Oh why don't you just go back to your pretty little life and carry on slagging me off… I don't need anyone to ask me 'how I am' and I especially don't need your help." Cal bit his lip looking away before turning back to her. "Get up." He stood up looking down at her, she just stayed where she was.

Cal bent down to her level and made her look at him. "You yell at me, make me feel shit. You treat me like I'm un-capable of my job, and you make everyone feel intimidated. Yet I can't leave you sitting here because I care too much about you…" Connie continued looking at Cal as the tears flowed freely down her cheeks. "What's going on Connie, because this isn't the strong woman I once knew. Let me help you, because I want nothing more than that confident woman walking back around the department again." Connie practically fell forwards as Cal reached around her and held her as she continued to cry.

After a few minutes Cal stood up and helped her to her feet. He walked her towards a taxi and helped her inside. He had no idea where she lived, but knew he couldn't leave her here. Cal gave the driver his address and sat in the back with a silent Connie. He paid the fare and climbed out carefully helping her out next. "Oh this is gonna be a good one to explain to nibbles…"

Luckily for Cal, Ethan was already in bed and so they managed to get into his room without anyone realising. Cal threw some trousers and a shirt onto the bed for Connie to change into. "I'm going to get you some water, get changed and I'll come back." She nodded as he left the room, not sure why she'd let him help her.

Moments later Cal knocked on the door lightly before hearing a faint call from Connie to say she was changed. He walked in and handed her the glass of water. "You sleep in here and I'll stay on the couch for the night. If you need anything I'll only be out there." He went to turn and leave but felt Connie hold onto his wrist "Please don't leave me on my own Cal." That was the first time she'd used his first name, it sounded stupid for him to notice that of all things at a time like this but it pained him to see her yet again so broken.

He felt as though he should lie her down and leave her to sleep, alone, but something resonated inside him after hearing her so hurt asking for him to not leave her. He moved around to the side of the bed and sat down next to her allowing her head to fall onto his chest. He wrapped his arm around her shoulders and rested his head on top of hers. "Everything's going to be okay, you'll get through this…" He kept repeating those words to calm her, but also to convince himself that she would be alright.

Cal didn't sleep that much but instead watched as Connie silently slept, holding onto Cal as though if she let go she would lose herself. He watched the rise and fall of her chest as she breathed. He moved his head and pressed his lips to the top of her head, kissing her hair. "What's wrong with you Connie, what's changed? No matter how much you knock me back this time, I'm not giving up on you like you have yourself…"

 **In The Shadows by The Rasmus**


	4. Chapter 4 - Outside

Chapter 4 – Outside

It had been almost a month since the awkward conversation the morning after…

 _Connie began to wake and realised immediately that she wasn't at home. She slowly sat up in the bed and looked around. What the hell had she done last night? Then it hit her where she was, and who she was with. She remembered speaking to Cal and knew that this wasn't going to be easy._

 _Cal came into the room and noticed Connie was now sitting up awake. "Hey, I got you some paracetamol and water… I imagine you're gonna need it after everything you drank last night." Connie gratefully accepted both and looked up at Cal. "Thank you, for everything yesterday… And last time too." She looked down at her hands as she felt Cal sit on the edge of the bed next to her. "What's going on Connie, you can't keep doing this to yourself… Let me help you, please."_

 _Connie didn't look at the man sitting in front of her. She didn't deserve his help, or sympathy. She was horrible to him, yet in her moment of need he was still there for her. Cal moved a hand under Connie's chin and lifted her face to look at him. "Connie-" "Please don't Cal…" The pair continued sitting there until Connie was ready to get dressed._

" _Please, don't mention this to anyone. I know I need to sort a few things out, but I don't want everyone-" "Hey, I'd never tell anyone, I promise. Okay?" Connie nodded and felt as though there was finally some understanding between them._

Connie was standing in reception when Cal appeared next to her. "Everything okay?" Cal stood with his back to the counter looking down at some patient's notes. Connie continued signing the file she had on the desk before answering. "Yes… You know you don't have to check every five minutes right?" A small smile played at her lips as she answered the junior doctor. "I know, but I care… What you just did then, it suits you." Connie rolled her eyes before heading to her office.

In just under a month Connie had seemed to get everything back on track for herself. She had arranged for Grace to come and visit which was a huge relief for her. She had also felt happier inside herself since that awful night and was managing to cope with things much better. Connie told herself it was the reality of being told exactly how things needed to change, but in all honesty it was more to do with having fewer lonely nights.

"We really should stop this because I could get in so much trouble-" "With who exactly?" Connie smirked slightly as she stood back from the man in front of her. "It's not like I'm going to tell you off is it?" Cal shook his head not believing this whole situation. Connie finished looking in the mirror checking her hair and make-up over. "Please don't think that this is anything more than what it is Cal… I can't cope with anything else right now, this is just…" Cal nodded "I know." He wasn't going to complain about the arrangement they seemed to have going, but at the same time with each meeting he fell deeper and deeper in love with her. "Just for fun" he said smiling at the beautiful woman standing in front of him. This Connie, since they had been doing whatever this was, was a closer reflection of the woman he met when she first started at the hospital.

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It had been almost 3 months since Connie had felt her world fall down around her. Cal was slowly learning more and more about her, which didn't help how he felt about the woman. Everything seemed as though it was going to finally be fine, that's when she got the call.

All Cal heard was a crash come from the clinical leads office. Several members of staff had been stood around when it happened but nobody dared to move except Cal and Charlie. Opening the door to her office they found her sitting in the same position he had once seen her before. "Connie, what's happened? Hey?"

There was glass smashed against the wall and things absolutely everywhere. Cal sat in front of Connie at her feet whilst Charlie stood in the doorway not sure what to do. "I can't look after myself, how am I supposed to care for her too?" Cal was lost and she wasn't making much sense to him. "Connie what are you on about?" Connie sighed looking at Cal "Sam can't look after her anymore, she's coming home and I can't cope with that as well right now…"

Cal turned to the older colleague still standing back and taking in the scenes in front of him. "Charlie, could you give us a few minutes? And please don't mention this to anyone else out there." He nodded and closed the door leaving them to talk. "Connie, you've got so many people around you who can help… Of course you can do this." She shook her head not sure how she would ever manage looking after Grace again. Why did things always have to go wrong for her?

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Grace had been home and living with Connie for almost 2 months. Cal had barely seen Connie as they had stopped seeing each other outside of work now that Grace was home. It had meant that Connie once again spent her evenings alone, leading to her having a drink again.

At first things didn't seem too bad, Elliot Hope one of Connie's eldest friends had helped caring with Grace, as had Charlie and Zoe. Connie had never expected to find such a help in Zoe, but Grace had loved spending time with her. All the while it had meant Connie was alone more and more which may have relieved the pressure, but it wasn't the best idea.

Connie was disappearing and a shadow of her old self was all that was left. She withdrew from everyone, including Cal who thought he was finally breaking her down. All the barriers were back and they were higher than ever. She became depressed and totally consumed by work.

All the staff had noticed a change in their clinical lead and nobody was enjoying it. There were no arguments, no problems, no repercussions to incidents… There was nothing. The final tipping point for the esteemed boss came when she received a phone call from Grace's school.

" _Hello Mrs Beauchamp, I'm afraid Grace needs picking up as she has been fighting at school. We can no longer tolerate the behaviour that she has been showing, we have no choice but to expel her from the school."_

The message that completely turned everyone's worlds upside down.

Dixie began reeling off stats to Dylan and Zoe. "This is Connie Beauchamp, 42. She's lost a lot of blood and has very shallow breathing…"

 **Outside by Calvin Harris feat Ellie Goulding**


	5. Chapter 5 - Out Of My Head

**Just a warning, there is mention and reference to self harm in this chapter so please don't read if it may affect you. I've done this because it's something that I've witnessed recently and it's a way for me to get everything out… Thanks, please review xx**

Chapter 5 – Out Of My Head (Part 1)

It had been two weeks since Grace had been kicked out of school and for the first few days Connie had taken time out of work to spend it with her daughter. She thought that maybe having a better relationship with her would make this easier… But as always there were problems.

Connie decided in the second week to go back to work and take Grace with her some days when she couldn't arrange child care. "Grace are you ready because I'm going to be late sweetheart?" Connie called up the stairs to her daughter who came out of the bedroom with a fowl look on her face. "Why do I have to go?" Connie sighed and looked at her daughter "Because you had to fight at school, so be quiet and get in the car."

Arriving at work Connie was relieved when Grace ran over to Zoe. She felt bad, but knowing that there were other people who would watch out for Grace made her feel happier. Connie knew that right know she was in no fit state to care for her child, but there was no choice. "I'll take Grace to the staffroom, give you some time to get started?" Connie nodded and gave a small grin while thanking Zoe.

Half way through the day Grace was sitting in Connie's office while she was trying to complete paperwork. "Can we go now… Can we go now… Can we go now…" On and on, that's all it was. Connie was close to breaking point. "Grace! Please just shut up and let me finish this." Grace looked at her Mum and stood up. "I hate you-" "And right now I don't love you much either. You get kicked out of school and cause no end of hassle for me. The least you could do is be quiet and let me do my job." The young girl stormed out of the office as Cal opened the door after hearing the shouting.

Connie had her head in her hands. "Are you okay? Stay here, I'll check on Grace." Connie felt the tears being to fall as Cal shut the door. She couldn't do this anymore… It was beyond a joke.

"Hey! What's happened?" Cal sat down next to Grace who had her arms folded against her chest huffing… The spitting image of her mother, it really was scary. "She's stupid and horrible and I wish she wasn't my mother." Cal realised that this was going to be a lot harder than he first thought. "Your mum's going through a lot right now, give her a break?"

Grace rolled her eyes, another trait from her mum. "She's always got lots going on… Always more important than me. Maybe if she cared it would be okay-" "Your mum cares so much about you, okay and don't ever think otherwise." Connie came walking out to see the pair sitting on the bench. "Grace, we're going home. You need to get ready for your Grandmother."

Grace stood up. "After making me sit here all day you're still making me go to her's?" Connie sighed "Grace, you'll be late otherwise-" "I HATE YOU! You don't even care about me, just try and get rid of me with different people all the time… I wish you were dead!" Grace ran past her mum pushing her out the way. Connie stood stunned staring into the distance as Cal came towards her. "Hey-" "Don't…" She pushed him away from her and walked back inside to her office.

Minutes later Zoe knocked on the office door and walked in. "Connie… I'm going to take Grace back with me tonight. She can stay over, give you both some time to calm down. If you need anything, call me?" Connie smiled at Zoe, "Thank you, really. You've been a better mother to her than I have been."

Once Grace had left Connie left the office to find Cal. He was standing at the nurses' station with Ethan when she saw him. "Dr Knight, could I have a word please?" They moved towards the wall where no-one could hear them. "I just wanted to apologise for earlier. I shouldn't have spoken to you like that, you were just trying to help. Thank you for everything you've done recently, I really appreciate you trying." Before he could answer she was gone. That was weird, really weird but he let it slip and returned to work.

It was 3 hours later when things became strange for the ED. "Rita, have you seen Mrs Beauchamp?" The young nurse shook her head, "Why? Charlie?" He came out of his daydream and smiled. "Nothing, it's just her car isn't here anymore and I thought she was supposed to be on the nightshift tonight… It's probably nothing."

Lofty too was asking questions. "Has anyone seen Mrs Beauchamp lately?" Robyn, Lily, Ethan, Honey and Rita were gathered at the nurses' station. "No why?" Lofty shrugged "It's just… She seemed, I don't know, really off earlier. She was apologising to me about being so angry and shout-y all the time towards me." At the moment Dylan wandered over. "Was that about Connie? She apologised, well tried, to me too… About doubting my professionalism. What's strange about that, she's finally coming to her senses."

All the while Cal had been listening to everyone talk about Connie. It didn't all add up, there was something strange going on and it worried him. He tried to phone her but it just rang and rang before going to voice mail. "Come on, come on Connie… Pick up. Damn." She's probably fine, at home sleeping it off… No he knew her and this wasn't right.

At home everything was dawning on Connie. She couldn't cope with anything right now, she didn't want to. She just wanted everything to disappear, to be peaceful, no worries, no cares. She felt so numb, like she couldn't feel anything anymore. Even her daughters comments hadn't hurt her, she just felt nothing.

As she finished the bottle in her hand she stood up but dropped it to the floor. "For god sake…" She shouted before beginning to cry again. After a while she bent down and began picking up the glass from the floor when she felt something sharp slice her finger. She pulled her hand away quickly as the pain seared through her hand. But it was something, she felt something. Looking past her hand and at the glass on the floor, what happened next didn't really seem like reality. All she knew was that she felt something, and boy was it painful.

 **Out Of My Head by John Newman**


	6. Chapter 6 - Goodnight Goodbye

**Just another warning with this chapter, it's not overly detailed or 'gory' however could be a very sensitive issue for some. I've never really tried anything this serious before so please let me know what you think about it, good or bad. If it upsets you in anyway or you find it offensive please, please tell me!**

Chapter 6 – Goodnight Goodbye (Part 2)

After sweeping up the red stained shards of glass from the floor Connie washed her hands. She looked up into the mirror hanging above the sink at a reflection she hardly recognised anymore. She threw her fist into the mirror smashing it into pieces. "Why!?" She dropped to the floor pulling her knees tight to her chest, her whole body racking with her cries.

"Connie, please if you get this call me. I'm worried about, just let me know you're okay? Please…" Cal put his phone away as Charlie walked into the staffroom. "Charlie, don't suppose you know when Connie left?" The older nurse shrugged, "It must have been a good few hours ago now…" Cal's face dropped at hearing that, he thought she hadn't been gone long. "What's wrong Cal? Caleb." He looked back at the nurse after becoming deep in thought. "She's just had a real tough time, before Grace was home too… I just want to make sure she's okay."

Zoe was at home with Grace when her phone rang. "Connie? Is everything okay? She's here if you want to talk to her-" Grace looked up and smiled at Zoe, realising it was her mum and she could talk to her. She felt awful about speaking to her mum how she had, and the fact her mum was phoning showed she did care. "Zoe, just tell her I love her and I'm so sorry for what I've done… doing to her." That was it, the phone went dead.

Grace's face dropped when Zoe spoke "Connie? Connie?" Zoe tried phoning back but her phone had been turned off. Zoe noticed the young girl sitting in front of her still. "Grace, run upstairs and get changed for me." She did as she was told, whilst Connie got on the phone. "Charlie? Yeah it's me, it's Connie."

Cal was standing at the nurses' station when Charlie got the call. He looked straight at Cal and he knew what it was. "Cal, where are you going?" Ethan tried speaking to his brother but he wasn't listening. Cal ran to the staffroom grabbing his keys and coat before walking back to Charlie. "I'm going round there, something's wrong. Her apologising, disappearing, she's letting go of everything... I need to get round there." The nurse nodded and watched as Cal ran out of the ED.

Connie put the phone down and turned it off whilst the tears began to sting her eyes again. She walked back into the bathroom and turned the taps off. She finished the drink she had on the side before slipping out of her clothes and sitting in the bath. It had been one hell of a long day and she was ready for it all to be over with.

Everything became foggy, dreamlike. Connie was sitting in the bedroom and got into the bath. She saw herself drift off and fall beneath the water. An easy way out after a hard day? She could hear banging but saw nothing, just the blurry bathroom from below the water. She remembered thinking what a strange thing to dream about.

Cal ran all the way to Connie's house, nearly being hit by several cars. He didn't care, because right now only one thing mattered and that was getting to Connie. Arriving at her house, he knocked on the door several times. No answer. "Connie!" He knocked again, except this time it was banging. "Connie! Connie! If you're in there please answer me…" Still nothing. He moved from the door to look in through the window and noticed the empty bottles on the side, then his gaze fell to the floor where there was a pool of sticky red liquid and smashed glass. "Please, no…" He went straight back to the door with his phone out already dialling 999.

He put all his effort into it and pushed through the door. On the second attempt it swung open. "Yeah, I need an ambulance straight away…" He reeled off the address as he ran through the downstairs of the house searching for the woman he loved. "Connie!?" Still nothing.

Running upstairs he was scared for what he might see. He went straight into her bedroom, nothing but the lights were on in the bathroom. Again Cal prayed that what he opened the door to wasn't what he feared the most.

All the while Cal was banging on the door, Connie had fell below the water in the bath dropping the glass she held to the floor. A few minutes later the bathroom door opened and Cal ran in dropping his phone to the floor. He climbed into the bath and lifted Connie above the water, seeing the water tinged with red made his heart stop. "God no, please… Connie, Connie?"

He carefully picked her up and placed her down on the bathroom floor. He checked for a pulse, but there was nothing there. How long had she been under? How long had she been bleeding? What if I had been quicker? Cal began compressions, praying for her to come back to him.

It was a matter of minutes and there was noise downstairs. "Hello? Paramedics." Dixie, they were here. "Upstairs in the bathroom… Dix please hurry up, she's not breathing!" Cal called out and soon enough Dixie and Iain appeared in the doorway not believing the sight before their eyes. "Right what's happened?" They bent down next to him and began trying to save Connie.

Cal sat next to Connie while letting Dixie and Iain try to get her to breathe again. It was the longest 5 minutes of Cal's life but Connie began coughing, having swallowed a load of water. They rolled her onto her side as Cal came closer and clung to her hand. "Everything's going to be okay, you're going to be alright. I'm here, it's okay…" Connie began breathing slowly, it didn't last long though.

"Right she's got a faint pulse, let's get her into the ambo and get moving now. Cal stupid question, are you coming?" Cal nodded and was up with the paramedics. He noticed a bag at the end of Connie's bed with some clothes in which he grabbed, before he noticed a letter on her bed. It had his name on, she really had no plans to get through this which hurt him even more. He grabbed the letter and followed everyone downstairs. He pulled the door shut and jumped in with Dixie.

It was a short drive to the hospital and on getting there Cal climbed out of the ambulance to see Zoe already there. Dixie began reeling off stats to Dylan and Zoe. "This is Connie Beauchamp, 42. She's lost a lot of blood and has very shallow breathing. When we arrived she was already out of the water, but not breathing. Not sure how long she was down before hand."

Connie was wheeled through to resus by Dylan and Zoe. Rita was already in there and couldn't believe what she saw. "Okay, Lofty can you help over here please?" Charlie had frozen at the doors when seeing his boss in such a mess. Cal followed everyone into resus only to be stopped by Rita. "Cal, you can't be in here-" "I'm not leaving her… I can't." Rita pleaded with him "Go to the relatives room, she's got the best doctors around her taking care… Okay? I promise I'll come find you if anything changes." Charlie came behind him and led him out the room while they treated her.

"Okay can we get an intubation kit, we need to do this now." Dylan tried to get the tube in but couldn't. "I can't get through-" "Let me try." Zoe stepped in and after failing first time, managed to get it in. "Okay bag her, and can we get an IV line in please." Zoe began compressions, still nothing. "Okay charge to 160, everyone clear? Shocking." Connie's lifeless body raised from the bed then fell again. Nothing. Zoe started again. "Come on Connie, you're not giving up that easy."

After 5 rounds of CPR there was still no output. "Okay charging again. Everyone clear, shocking." The room was silent until the machines beeped. Come on Connie. They began coming to life again and she started to breath. "Right can I get some bandages over here and I need her lab results rushed ASAP." Lofty moved to the phone to make the call, whilst Rita began to clean up the clinical lead.

Cal sat in the relatives room alone with a cold cup of coffee complimentary from Honey. He held the letter in his other, not having the courage to read what it said inside. The door opened and he shoved the letter back into his pocket. "She's stable and looks like she's going to be alright. She's probably going to come round soon but will be disorientated." Cal breathed a sigh of relief before Zoe enveloped him into a hug. "She's going to be okay, whatever is happening we're going to help her and she's going to make it."

Cal went into the side room where Connie had been moved. He sat down next to her, she looked peaceful. Almost happy. He pulled the chair close to her bed and held onto her hand before raising to his lips and kissing it. "All you had to do was call me, and I've have been there… I'd have never let you go, get into this mess." He took out the letter again, not sure if he was ready to really see what she wanted to say to him. It was the start of an extremely long road but he was never going to let her walk it alone, no matter what was thrown at her. He opened the letter and began to read.

 **Goodnight Goodbye by John Newman**


	7. Chapter 7 - Let It Go

Chapter 7 – Let It Go

 _Cal,_

 _Where do I even start? I'm sorry for dragging you into all of this, making you feel awful and making you be the one to deal with the aftermath. I know it's going to be you finding this, me… You're the most amazing person and brilliant doctor. I wish I was only deserving of everything you've done._

 _I can't do any of this anymore. I'm a terrible mother to a daughter who hates me, I've had the most ruined relationships known to man, a marriage built on lies and career driven life which stopped me from having any real attachments._

 _Please make sure that Grace is okay for me. She is going to be better off with someone else caring for her, she'll be able to do so much more without me dragging her backwards. Please, please make sure she knows that none of this was her fault…_

 _I'm sorry for everything I've done, especially to you. I used you to make myself feel better, and it only ended with us both feeling worse. I knew that you wouldn't be able to carry on with everything the same way I could, not feeling so it seems only right I stop it. Stop everything. I just felt so numb, felt nothing. I can't live like this anymore. I'm sorry, and believe me when I say I'm grateful for everything that you've done for me…_

 _I'm sorry,_

 _Connie x_

Cal couldn't even read the first line of the letter. As soon as he did he found himself short of breath and blurry eyed. He took a deep breath and read through the whole thing. He shook his head as tears began to fall from his eyes. He crumpled the letter back up and shoved it into his pocket. He hadn't noticed Zoe come into the room.

She moved behind Cal and rested a hand on his shoulder. "It's going to be okay…" Cal sniffed as he held onto Connie's hand once more, vowing to never let go again. "If you don't want to tell me it's fine, but what's been going on?" Cal took a breath before starting. "She's been struggling for months. It started with her drinking, and things slowly got better after I found her one night. I spent some time with her, stopped her being alone so much without Grace. Things got better, then Grace came home permanently and from there… We got here."

Cal was still sitting with Connie when he felt her grip tighten on his hand. He looked up to see her looking down at him with tears in her eyes knowing immediately what had happened. "I'm so sorry…" "Shh, not know." Cal stood up still holding her hand, running the other one through her hair. "I just want you to know, that you're never alone. Ever. Zoe and I, hell everyone here is going to help you. I promise you that this will never happen again." He leant forward placing a kiss on the top of her head as she hugged him.

A few hours later Zoe had checked on Connie and she was dramatically improving. Although it would be some time before things would be okay, they were heading in the right direction. Cal was sitting on the edge of Connie's bed when he went to speak. "Connie, I just need to say something… If you ever need something, no matter how stupid you think it is, no matter what time of day, call me."

"I know you don't want a relationship, hell I know you don't feel the same way about me as I do you but I will be there through all of this. I'll help you, I'll help with Grace, whatever you need because I care about you. I care more about helping you as a friend to get back to normal, even if that means I don't get what I want… If it means ignoring how I feel for you, I'll do it." All Connie could do was smile slightly to show him how much she appreciated everything he was sacrificing for her.

 **Let It Go by James Bay**


	8. Chapter 8 - Titanium

Chapter 8 – Titanium

It had been a few days since Connie was admitted to hospital and she had been moved upstairs to another unit. She was physically recovering, but the mental and emotional healing was going to take a lot longer. Connie was sleeping when Cal was finally persuaded to leave her side for a little while. Nobody had seen Cal that caring for someone before, not even Ethan, but at the same time nobody suspected that there were feelings running as deeply as there were.

"Hey Cal, can I talk to you?" Zoe stopped him as he was walking through the ED and started towards the staff room. When Cal walked in he noticed that a few of the staff had gathered in there as well as one of Connie's oldest friends Elliot. He had been around a lot more recently to help out with caring for Grace. "What's going on?" Cal turned on his heel to face Zoe who was warmly smiling. "Nothing, we just want to help."

Turns out that everyone there; Zoe and Max, Lofty, Charlie, Elliot, even Rita all wanted to help Connie return to normal. They'd decided to swap sitting with Connie during the days to keep her company in their breaks, and also between Zoe, Max and Elliot they would pick Grace up from school each day and bring her to the hospital until Connie could be discharged. Zoe also spoke about all of them helping when Connie got home. She was happy to spend some evenings with the clinical lead, as was several others in the room. Cal couldn't believe the amount of people around trying to help her.

As everyone was about to leave the office Cal bumped into a busy Ethan. "Cal, sorry I was supposed to be in there too… I was just caught up with a patient-" "It's fine nibbles, seriously. I know that you'd help me out." Cal smiled before deciding he needed to go home and shower as he'd agreed to pick Grace up tonight.

Upstairs Connie had woken up to see Zoe sitting by her bedside. "To what do I owe this pleasure?" Connie looked over to her colleague and a small smile played at the corners of her lips. "Well I thought I'd be the one to offer you the hard truths because I know Cal won't." Connie's smile soon faded and was replaced by a calm expression which just stared off into the distance. "You need help Connie, but the only way things are going to change is if you let them and let us help you."

Zoe had been speaking to Connie for a while now, and there was never any sign of her listening until she mentioned someone that changed it all. "Cal's gone to pick Grace up from school now and bring her here to see you." She turned to face Zoe. "He went… She's coming here? I don't think I can-" "Yes you can. Do you know why." Connie just looked at Zoe "Because you have so many people here to help you. Everyone downstairs wants to help however they can… Coming to see you, occupy Grace, Christ giving you paperwork to do… whatever it is you need, tell us because we want to help. You just have to let us." Connie wasn't sure what to say, she thought that everyone hated her.

A few hours passed and Zoe had stayed with Connie the whole time. Although she hadn't opened up about everything, she had told Zoe herself exactly what had been happening over the past few months. Strangely Connie found that it helped her, being able to say everything to someone who wouldn't judge her for it. "Thank you Zoe. I want to be how I was before and I know it's not going to be easy, but I need to do this for Grace." Connie nodded as there was some noise at the door. "I mean it, anything you need tell me." Zoe squeezed her hand before standing and leaving the room.

"Mummy!" Grace came running in the room but stopped at the side of the bed when she saw all the wires and tubes attached to her. "It's okay baby, it's better than it looks. Come round this side…" She patted the bed as Grace wandered around the other side and jumped up immediately leaning in to hug her mother. This she had missed, holding her little girl in her arms. She was supposed to protect her at all costs, not be the one to put her in danger. She felt the tears begin to sting her eyes when she noticed Cal was still leaning against the doorframe not sure whether he should stay or not.

After a few minutes Grace sat up. "I made you something…" She pulled out a piece of paper that had been folded several times. What she saw when she opened it shocked her. There were several photos, old and recent cut up and stuck on this piece of paper with some writing in the middle. _To Mummy, I love you lots and lots and I'm sorry for what I said to you. Love your little girl Grace x x x_ "Gracie it's lovely, thank you baby." Connie looked towards Cal and saw him smiling.

Connie looked at the paper again and noticed that there weren't just photos of her and Grace. There were pictures of her with Elliot, and several of her old colleagues. There were pictures from the few times Connie had gone out with the ED staff and there were a few, the most recent ones, where she was with Grace but also some with Cal. It was this, the little things that she needed to let her guide her back to where she used to be. This was a constant reminder of everything she once had and everything that she could have again, if she just let people in.

It was almost dinner when there was a knock at the door. "I believe that there is a young lady in here who is waiting for something to eat?" Max appeared at the door smiling towards Grace who immediately got off the bed and ran to the door. Connie looked to the door and noticed that it wasn't only Max, but also Lofty, Robyn and Ethan. She smiled kindly at them all realising that that was there way of offering to take Grace out for a while. "Thank you" she mouthed the words silently but Max smiled and took hold of Grace's hand. "So I was thinking pizza?" All Connie heard as the door shut was Grace talking excitedly which made her smile.

Cal sat down on the bed next to Connie who tried sitting up straight. "Cal, thank you. I know that you helped her with this and I…" Connie felt the familiar lump rise in her throat which came before tears. "I just, I know I need to accept help and I know that you've done so much for me already… But I need-" "Hey, you don't even need to ask. I'll be there through all of this, no matter what okay?" Connie nodded as Cal turned his back to her and rested against the pillow next to her, allowing her to rest her head on his chest and relax a little.

It had been an hour or so of the pair lying quietly before Connie decided to say something again. "I just wanted to say that I know this is going to be hard, and at times I'm probably going to push everyone away… But please don't leave me on my own because when you're around it feels like I really can get through it." Cal didn't answer but just pulled her in closer, as though it would protect her from anything else that was thrown her way.

 **Titanium by David Guetta feat Sia**


	9. Chapter 9 - Elastic Heart

Chapter 9 – Elastic Heart

Three weeks on and Connie was still resting in hospital, leaving the department to be run by Dr Keogh. He had been shocked when Connie asked to see him and he couldn't quite believe, after everything, that it was him she wanted to keep everything in check.

Dylan was sitting in Connie's office where he was finishing the last of the paperwork. Zoe wandered into the office and sat herself down at the new desk across the room. There had been a table put in there for her as she had been helping with the paperwork side of things. "Everything okay?" Zoe looked over at her friend who was looking rather puzzled. "Hmm, yeah. Do we know when Mrs Beauchamp will be back yet?" Zoe just shook her head. "They say she's doing well, but I don't think she'll be back for a while… She needs to get used to Grace at home first."

The day went on pretty uneventful. Cal was treating a patient with Lofty when he heard Ethan talking outside the cubicle. "Okay, I think we're about done here. I'll just get your discharge forms Mr Smith." Cal smiled and left the cubicle with Lofty, bumping straight into Lily and Ethan. "Hey, what are you guys talking about?" Ethan smiled "Lily and I passed our exam last week, we just got the results." Ethan obviously hadn't wanted to speak to Cal about it as he knew he had wanted to take them too, but just couldn't at the moment. "Well done nibbles, I'm proud of you… I knew you'd both do well." He smiled and carried on with his day, not really thinking about it.

It was almost the end of the day and the staff had decided to go over to the pub and have a quiet drink together. They were all sitting around when Rita came wandering in. "Hey guys, sorry I'm late… I have some news though." She pulled up a chair and sat down as everyone waited for her to speak. "So I saw the doctor who's been treating Connie… They think she can be discharged in the next few weeks, get home and start re-adjusting again." The smile on Cal's face could be seen from a mile away, it was hard for anyone to not smile at realising things were slowly getting better.

Connie was struggling to sleep and so was just lying quietly on her side when she heard a slight knock at the door. "Dr Keogh, what are you doing up here?" He walked in with his bag and coat, obviously having finished his shift, and sat down next to the clinical leads bed. "I just wanted to see how you were doing. I mean, see if everything was going alright." Connie huffed "If by alright you mean bored out of my brains and struggling to keep myself alive in this place then yes great… Sorry, bad joke. I'm just ready to go home now." Dylan nodded in understanding.

They were sitting for a few minutes before Connie asked. "So, how is the department? Not in pieces I hope." Dylan laughed "Not quiet yet, it's alright. Things are getting better, everyone is finally used to the mini eye rolling from your daughter. She spends quite a lot of time with us down there now… She enjoys it down there almost as much as you do." That thought made Connie chuckle slightly.

Dylan stood up "I better get going anyway…" He turned to walk away. "Oh, should probably give you what I came up here for. If anyone finds out I'm dead, so don't go shouting." He took out some folders from his bag and handed them over to Connie who realised what they were and looked up at him. "You're a lifesaver… Thank you Dylan." He smiled and closed the door behind him leaving Connie with something she could do, finally.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Another week later and Dylan had been spending some more time up in the clinical leads side room. He had been discussing cases with her, asking for help with certain paperwork and making sure she was completely in the loop with everything that was going on downstairs. "Oh, Guy Self wants a meeting tomorrow-" "Ha, oh you'll love it he's such a nice guy…" Connie couldn't help but interrupt and laugh at what Dylan was going to have to face.

After an hour or so Dylan stood up to go back to the ED. "Anyway, that's the paperwork I have left for this week so I better get back down and finish it." Connie smiled "Unless you want me to leave- yeah I thought so, I'll see you later then to pick it up." He smiled and left Connie's room.

Dylan walked into the office to Zoe sitting down. "Let me guess she bit your head off at a chance to finish that paperwork?" Dylan smiled before sitting down at the desk. "It's helping her. I know she can't come back to work but at least she's still a part of this place. It's probably easier her starting with that, then getting home and then coming back here." Zoe nodded before the pair stood up to leave the office and return to treating patients.

It had been a long day for several people and Cal had decided on taking Grace up to say goodbye to her mother. "Hey, someone's here to say bye…" Grace walked in quietly knowing that they weren't allowed up to see people at this kind of time. "Night Mummy, school's been really good." Connie hugged the little girl before moving her backwards. "School?" She looked at Cal before he stepped forward. "Grace, run back outside to Uncle Elliot and get your stuff okay?"

Cal pulled up a chair. "Elliot and Grace's grandmother went to one of the local schools and spoke to the head about getting Grace in. They didn't even think twice about it, I know we should have probably spoken to you but we thought it was best to get her into one and then let you sort things later." She shook her head. "I can't believe they sorted that out for her. I can't thank them enough for that…"

Cal smiled before standing up and placing a kiss on Connie's forehead closing his eyes. "You're freezing." Cal straightened back up and took off his jumper. "Here, put this on. I'll be back tomorrow to see you, it's my turn to get stuck with you for a day." He winked at her as he handed over the jumper. "See you tomorrow wonder woman." Connie smiled looking down before carefully putting her arms into the huge jumper and wrapping it around herself. It still smelt like Cal's aftershave which made her automatically relax and smile as she lay down to sleep. For the first time in weeks she drifted off straight away and slept straight through.

Cal had spoken to Elliot and decided he would look after Grace tonight back at Connie's. "So are you going to stick around when Mum's out of hospital? Or will it just be me and her again?" Cal sat down on the sofa with the young girl smiling. "There's going to be a lot more people around here. Your uncle Elliot, Zoe, Max, Ethan and yes me." Grace nodded before settling on the sofa next to Cal. It felt strange to be here like this, but he wanted Grace to be at home.

A few hours later Cal woke up to see Grace lying across the couch with her head resting on his lap fast asleep. The TV was still on playing the title menu of the DVD they had on. It was dark outside still so Cal carefully got up without waking Grace to check the time. 12 o'clock. He went back to Grace and carefully scooped her up in his arms and carried her upstairs to her bedroom. He laid her down and tucked her in before gently closing the door on her.

The house had been cleaned and kept in a good state so that when Connie came home it wasn't a constant reminder of what had happened. Cal settled himself back down on the couch and drifted to sleep. After all he was going to need it. What he hadn't told Grace or Connie was that he had managed to bump her discharge form to the top so she would be ready to come home sometime tomorrow.

 **Elastic Heart by Sia**


	10. Chapter 10 - My Immortal

**Sorry it's been a while. Just moved into university and so have been a bit busy with things... I'm not sure whether to continue this or not as I feel it's not working too well. Please review and let me know what you think, whether you want me to carry it on or not. Will post a few chapters of what I have pre-written, thank you!**

Chapter 10 – My Immortal

Cal arrived upstairs in Connie's room to see her sitting on the edge of the bed swinging her legs. "Hey- Okay who's pissed you off already this morning?" Connie rolled her eyes as Cal sat down next to her. "I just want to get out of this place, I can't stand it in here much longer." She looked over at Cal who was smiling. "God if you're going to be that much of an idiot you can leave." She moved backwards on the bed and swung her legs up as Cal went to leave.

He started towards the door and picked up a bag he chucked down. He turned to Connie and threw it on the bed. "Ow, you can definitely get out now if you're just going to throw things at me." She smiled before looking at the bag at the end of her bed. "I guess I'll give you a few minutes shall I?" Connie was confused as Cal left the room while she opened the bag. There were some clean clothes in there and, much to Cal's hatred a pair of her heels. She silently thanked the man that had just left her room for this.

After a few minutes Connie was changed and putting her hair up in a ponytail on top of her head. She then washed her face looking in the mirror that was at the other side of her room. It was the first time she had looked at herself in a while, and she found herself finally feeling a little more human again. "You ready?" She turned around and saw Cal waving a piece of paper. She walked towards him and realised it was her discharge forms. "Seriously? I can go home?" He nodded as Connie threw her arms around Cal hugging him before she took a step backwards and grabbed her bag.

The pair slowly walked from the room and down towards the stairs. "Cal, wait a minute." They stopped walking as she looked up at him. "What's wrong? Are you okay?" She nodded "I'm fine, I just don't know if I can do this…" Cal took hold of Connie's hand, taking the bag from her with the other and started walking with her down the stairs. "You're the strongest woman I know, course you can." They stepped into the ED and Connie let go of Cal's hand on seeing Zoe smiling at her. The women met half way and Zoe pulled Connie into a hug. It was strange for her to be so open like this in front of her staff, but a lot had changed in a short time.

"It's so good to see you like this… Are you taking her home?" Zoe looked around Zoe to see Cal still standing there. "If she'll let me, then yeah." Connie smiled before saying a brief hello to people who were standing around. Cal and Connie left the department and climbed into his car. "So, you going to let me take you home there's someone who can't wait to see you." She smiled as Cal began the short drive towards her home.

Getting out of the car Connie found it hard to move herself from where she stood. She looked up at the house that held so much. "Hey, I'm right here the whole time." Connie slipped her hand into his and started walking into the house. "Mum? Is that you?" Grace emerged from the living room smiling and embracing her Mum into a huge hug. She dropped Cal's hand and fell to her knees holding her daughter. "I love you so much Grace, I promise things are going to get better. I promise."

It was a strange evening. Connie spent it fairly quiet just watching her daughter. Elliot was sitting in the living room with Connie when Cal disappeared with Grace to get something for dinner. "So how are you feeling? Really?" Connie smiled slightly. "This is hard, being here. But I know that I've got people around me, I just struggle to open up." Elliot nodded "I know you do, I spent years trying to understand you and still to this day don't." Neither had noticed Cal standing in the doorway silently listening.

"Connie, do you know how much that young man out there cares for you? Don't throw a good thing away. Let him in, let him help you… You never allow yourself to have anything, always helping others. Now it's our turn to help you, so don't shut him out. Let him get inside and really understand everything." Elliot rested a hand on Connie's leg as he saw tears begin to fall down her cheek. She shook her head just as Grace wandered back into the room making some noise with Cal following. Connie wiped away the tears and turned to her daughter smiling.

Cal could see through the act she put on for her daughters sake, but didn't ask any questions. Not yet, it could all wait until Grace wasn't around. After they all ate dinner Elliot decided it was time he should get home. Connie walked him out to the door and hugged him. "Thank you Elliot, for everything that you've done for me and for Grace. It means a lot to me. And I promise I'll try, with Cal… At least to let him understand things." Her old friend nodded before she closed the door and stayed there a few minutes, savouring the final moments of not having someone know everything about her.

It wasn't long until Grace was feeling tired. "Grace, go get your pyjamas on and your mum will be up in a minute." Cal spoke gently to the girl who gave him a huge hug. "Night Cal, will I see you tomorrow?" Cal looked down at her before glancing towards Connie who was just looking out the window. "Maybe, but if not the next day." He smiled as she went to get changed.

Cal took a seat next to Connie who was still absent. "Hey, what are you thinking?" She shook her head as she felt his hand on the side of her face. "Not now, I need to say goodnight to Grace…" She stood up without much warning and wandered upstairs to her daughter's bedroom. "Hey baby girl, I love you lots you know that don't you." She smiled and hugged Grace before sitting on the bed and stroking her hair. "Mummy, I've loved spending time with Uncle Elliot and Zoe, but most of all I want to spend time with you… and Cal. He's so funny."

She laughed at her daughter. "I didn't know you'd spent a lot of time with him." Her daughter enthusiastically nodded. "He picks me up from school and Grandma's sometimes. He takes me to the park and chases me around everywhere. He takes me around the hospital with him and lets me sit on the sides when he's writing things. He buys me sweets sometimes but he said I shouldn't tell you that bit." Connie laughed again, seeing how much love Grace had for the man sitting downstairs. How could she have been so stupid and selfish. "Okay sweetheart, I'll let you sleep now. I'll see you in the morning. I love you." She bent down kissing her head, before standing and leaving the bedroom. This was going to be one hell of an evening.

 **My Immortal by Evanescence**


	11. Chapter - Alone Too

**Thanks for continuing on with this story, it means a lot that some people enjoy it! I've decided to include lyrics from the song through this chapter as it fits really well with what I want to happen.**

Chapter 11 – Alone Too

 _Taking a hold of your heart, in a way you never knew._

 _Put your faith in a man with a past, that kept catching up with you._

 _You drew a line, made a hole then you jumped in._

 _And now your heart, now you know you'll never forgive_

Connie wandered back into the living room to see that Cal had cleared everything up from dinner and was tidying away Grace's toys. She was so lucky to even have him around after everything that had happened. "Cal…" she walked in and held onto his arm stopping him from putting things away. They sat down on the sofa, Cal not sure what to say or whether to say anything at all. Instead he sat there and waited for her to talk. "Thank you for everything that you've done for Grace recently, she adores you for some crazy reason." Cal smiled before speaking seeing as Connie wasn't saying much more. "Please Con, let me in… I know more than you think, please." She felt the tears begin to prick at her eyes and she shook her head. "I can't-"

 _Cause you're broke inside, broken soul nothing to give_

 _And nothing to feel with_

"I know what you're going through Connie. When I was young, I went through a similar thing…" Cal began to tell Connie things that not even Ethan knew about him. It hurt him to retell this story to someone, especially Connie but if it meant she would open up even the slightest, then he'd do it. "Cal I don't deserve to be happy with you…" Finally, it was a terrible thought for him to have but he knew this was how she was going to start talking about things.

 _I've been behind the walls you've made, I've been in all the rooms you've paced._

 _I've hidden where you feel safe, cause I've been alone too._

Cal turned to face Connie who now had tears freely falling down her cheeks. "Hey, let me in… I'm not going to hurt you, ever-" "No but I'll hurt you. That's what I do. I get close to someone and then everything ends up crashing and burning. I can't lose you, and I know that as soon as all of this is said I will." Cal shook his head holding her hands and keeping a hold of them. "My marriage wasn't even something built on love or trust, it was lies and power. It made us look good but made me tired and it made me hurt. I couldn't trust anyone, it screwed me up."

 _I've been behind the doors you closed, the darkness that you've made your home._

 _I know the things you think I don't because I've been alone too._

"Cal you deserve someone who makes you happy, who can give you everything you deserve… Not someone who makes you hurt and creates a mess." Cal sighed before looking at the broken woman in front of him. "Connie, I've been in relationships that ended badly… I was conned, cheated on, pulled apart and shoved back together. I don't think there's a scenario I can think of that I haven't been in. I'm here with you for a reason and that's because there is no way I'm ever going to let any of that happen to you." For the first time Connie looked up at Cal and really saw the man sitting there.

In that moment Cal knew that the barriers were being dropped one by one, and she was telling him things she had never spoken about. He saw how hurt she really was and how badly she looked at herself. "You know you're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen, even when you're crying… You're smart, you're strong, you're passionate, you're a brilliant mother, you're loving and you're gorgeous." Cal smiled looking at Connie. "I'm none of that-" "Yeah you are, why can't you accept a compliment and understand how amazing you are?"

Connie took a deep breath. "Because I'm weak… I tried taking the easy way out of this mess, I went to abandon my daughter and leave you to clean up the mess." She had stopped crying but a few tears began to fall again. "I shouldn't be happy after that, I made you put everything on hold. Whatever arrangement we had before suited me and only me. Everytime we were together, it made it harder for you because you cared and I was heartless. Why should I get to have someone that caring? I can't keep doing this pretending like we don't know the truth, I can't have you around all the time… But I can't do this without you here."

Cal couldn't find the right words to say. "Please don't do this, don't make me leave you-" "But I can't hurt you anymore, or me-" "Then don't, pushing me away is only going to make it harder for me, for us." That was it, he knew now that there was no going back. All her walls were down and he couldn't leave her, ever. "I worked so hard, to get where I was but through it all I ignored how everyone else felt and how I felt." Cal finally moved closer to Connie and rested his forehead on hers. "Don't make me leave you…" It was quiet but he said it and she knew.

It took him a few seconds to catch up with what he was doing but by the time he had, Cal was leaning forward and placing his lips on hers. He expected her to run a mile, but she stayed where she was. "I can't do this without you Cal-" He cut her off again by moving forwards again and kissing her. His hands were either side of her face whilst hers moved around the back of his neck. How could she not fall in love with this man, the one who would do anything for her.

"Cal, all this time I've told myself that you didn't matter and that everything would just be fine. I… I, can't do that anymore, b-because… I love you." Cal had never expected those three words to fall from her lips, but they had. "Connie you and Grace are everything to me." Cal pulled her closer and just held for a while. "You and me, we're gonna get through this together… You've got everyone else around you too, but I will always be right here for you."

It may not have been how she planned on ending the night, but it was what she needed. They had retired upstairs after talking as Connie had barely slept in the recent weeks. Cal had offered to sleep downstairs but Connie had made him stay with her. She rested her head on his chest. "Cal, are we really doing this? After everything?" He smiled looking at her, so vulnerable and needing his support. "Of course we are, because it's what's right…" He kissed the top of her head. "But every time things get serious, I lose the people I care about most-" "Then we don't get 'serious'. All it is, is me and you… I'll help you with whatever you need, know that I'm here for anything. We don't have to do this outside of this house, tell anyone else yet… Just me, you and Grace. I promise that."

 **Alone Too by Ella Eyre**


	12. Chapter 12 - Gravity

Chapter 12 –Gravity

Connie had been at home for almost three months now and although there were some stumbles at first, she was coping. Grace was like another child after the accident, both of them had a completely different relationship with one another now.

Grace was in school and doing extremely well. Zoe and Connie had spent a lot of time together, allowing her to form friendships with not only her but Rita too. Ethan had been looking after Grace more and more when Cal was watching her due to them living in the same flat. "So Grace, how about we get you sorted for school then I get back to work?" Grace had slept at Cal's place last night giving Connie a night alone, the first she'd had since the accident. It had been his suggestion, he needed to know that she would be alright before she went back to working.

She was due to go back to work at the end of the week and everyone agreed it was well overdue. Connie couldn't wait to be back in control of the ED again after realising she had gained control over small parts of her life again.

Connie was finishing her hair when there was a knock at the door. She was going out with Zoe for the day before heading back to pick Grace up from school. "Hey, you ready to go?" Zoe stepped through the door and smiled at her friend. "Yeah, just give me a second." She turned back to get her bag and keys then realised her phone was still sitting on the table. She picked it up and put it into her bag before returning to the door. "Let's go" she beamed at the other woman.

Cal was practically skipping round the department, and it hadn't gone unnoticed by anyone. "Dr Knight has someone spiked your drink this morning?" Rita laughed at Dylan's question as the others watched from the nurses' station. "Can't a guy be happy? Nope, apparently not." Lofty nudged his friend "Have you got a new girlfriend?" Everyone laughed knowing that was exactly what was going on.

"Not exactly a _new_ girlfriend, been together three months… But yes you could put some of it down to that I guess." He smiled at Ethan who was the only one who had suspected anything. He knew that there hadn't been anyone around other than Connie who'd come and get Grace every now and then. Ethan also knew that he spent most nights around the clinical leads house and so it hadn't taken him much to work it out, but he kept quiet, denying anything.

"So, I guess you're jumping at the chance to be back in the department again?" Connie smiled, Zoe knew her far too well. "Let's just say it's going to be good to get back. Dylan really was a life line when I was in hospital… How is he?" Zoe smiled, nodding "Okay, he's going to miss the power from it all but I think he's ready to hand it back over… Especially Guy Self!" The women remained talking and laughing for hours until Connie realised she had to get back for Grace.

Standing in the playground was a weird sensation for Connie. This was the first time she had picked Grace up herself. Thinking about it, today was the first day she had really been out of the house long enough for it to really count. "Mum?" Connie turned to see Grace walking out towards them. "Hey baby…" Grace hugged her mum having not expected to see her here. "I thought Cal was picking me up?" Connie laughed "Well if you'd rather wait-" "No! Hey Zoooeeee." The women smiled before wandering back out to the car and heading home. "Are you coming in for a bit?" Connie offered as Zoe looked towards Grace who was nodding her head. "Okay, I'll let Max know I'm here."

It was almost 6 and Connie had cooked dinner. Zoe had told Max where she was and Cal had told him to come home with him. Of course neither Max or Zoe knew that Cal was seeing Connie, they just assumed he was there for some company tonight. Connie was calling Grace down from upstairs when the guys arrived at the door. "I'll get it for you!" Zoe went to the door and let them both in. "Connie's cooked something for us all seeing as Grace wouldn't let me leave yet" she laughed.

Grace came downstairs after Connie had gone up there to get her. Connie was in her room having a few minutes to herself when she heard everyone laughing downstairs. Standing up and making her way downstairs she smiled on seeing everyone in the living room together. "Hey, bet work was fun without us both there today." Connie laughed as Cal rolled his eyes and Max acted overly dramatic.

After finishing off dinner and putting it on plates for everyone Connie walked out the kitchen to take her shoes off and was caught by Cal who was 'going to the toilet'. He held her wrist and leant down to kiss her. It was quick and gentle but full of so much. "You didn't have to do this tonight." It was then he stepped back and looked down at her. "Wow, you know it's been a while since I've seen you look this… happy, and amazing of course." He winked as she moved closer and leant up to kiss him again. "Come on otherwise they'll start talking." They laughed as they both headed back for their dinner.

Everyone ate the lot, and before long they were saying goodbye to Zoe and Max. "I'll see you Friday Connie, don't be late!" She laughed as Zoe walked out with Max and climbed into her car to get home. Closing the door Connie realised Grace was already up in bed and Cal had cleaned up. He walked towards her and wrapped his arms around her waist. "You know I love you…" Connie leant up and kissed him, she never noticed how much taller he was until they stood like this and she didn't have the extra height of her heels.

Connie couldn't believe how fast things had moved with her and Cal. Okay it hadn't been a very conventional relationship but they both found themselves in so deep after only a couple of months. Connie was getting changed when Cal walked out from the bathroom. "I better go home-" "Really, I completely believe that you're motive when coming here tonight was to leave." Cal laughed closing the space between them and kissed her, picking her up at the same time. "Believe it or not, it genuinely was but since you offer such a persuasive argument."

Connie laughed as Cal put her down on the bed and continued to kiss her. One thing led to another and they found themselves lying underneath the covers wrapped round each other. "I love you Connie Beauchamp… That was definitely better than that whole no strings crap." She jabbed him in the side before settling down to sleep, with Cal's arm around her waist and the other running through her hair.

Going back to work would be strange and probably the hardest thing she's ever done, but knowing she had Cal with her every step eased the worrying.

 **Gravity by Pixie Lott**


	13. Chapter 13 - Runaway (U&I)

Chapter 13 – Runaway (U & I)

 _Today is the day. Stay calm, everyone's there to help. Oh and don't be a bitch…_

Connie woke up to the sunlight coming through her window and shining onto her face. She blinked a couple times before stretching out. Sitting up she held the covers close to her not noticing Cal lying next to her. He snaked his arm around her waist and sat himself up slightly. "Morning" He placed a kiss on her bare shoulder before she turned to face him and smiled. She moved forward and kissed him before he sat up properly. "Breakfast?" She nodded "Think I'm going to have shower as well."

Connie washed her hair and climbed out of the shower. She felt good, excited almost. The last few days she had just wanted to get back and have the first day over and done with. She began to get changed but put on a pair of shorts and Cal's shirt before walking into her bedroom to see Cal sitting on the bed with breakfast. "Hey I'm sure that's mine." She laughed walking over "So what if it is?" They sat down and had something to eat before Cal jumped into the shower leaving Connie to sort herself out.

After drying and straightening her hair she pushed it out of the way while putting on her make-up. It was almost an alien concept to her as she hadn't used it in such a long time. It didn't take long before she had finished and so got up to find something to wear from the cupboard. She settled on a form fitting black dress which came to just above her knees. She pulled out a pair of black louboutin's and slipped her feet into them before sitting back at the table again.

Cal came out of the bathroom in just his jeans to see Connie sitting at the table with her hair falling perfectly down her back and around her shoulders. She turned to see him and just smiled at him as he grabbed his dark blue shirt and threw it on. "You ready to leave yet?" Connie stood up chucking things into her bag before looking at him. "I think so…"

The couple walked the short distance to work only separating when they got closer to the ED entrance and could see Lofty and Robyn in front of them. "I love you, I'll see you later." Cal walked a little faster to catch up with the nurses in front of him and disappeared inside. Connie took a moment outside smiling at Max who was waving "Welcome back."

Connie went into reception and noticed that nothing had really changed in the months she'd been away. "Morning Mrs Beauchamp, there's some letters here for you oh and Guy's been asking after you already." Connie sighed and rolled her eyes. It wasn't even 9 o'clock and he wanted her for something. "Welcome back by the way" Noel smiled kindly to the clinical lead who smiled in return and wandered towards her office. As she got there Rita caught her attention. "Hey! How are you doing?" She just nodded noticing that there weren't many people actually working.

Connie followed Rita to the staffroom talking and walked in to several members of staff. "Welcome back Mrs Beauchamp." Lofty was the first to speak as she noticed Charlie, Ethan, Robyn, Lily and Cal standing around smiling at her. She noticed a card on the table for her, presumably from everyone. "Thank you…" she straightened up. "Now I'd appreciate it if you could all actually get on with what you're paid for." People began moving around the office as Rita laughed slightly and Cal rolled his eyes shaking his head. "Oh she's back" he winked while moving about the room.

Connie left the room smiling and went into her office. On walking in she saw two desks at first, obviously Zoe had helped Dylan out. Then she noticed the flowers sitting on her desk along with and extremely clean and organised table. Connie walked around the front of her desk and put her bags down as Zoe walked in. "Hey, I heard you were already in this morning. I'll get that moved out this afternoon-" "No, it's fine… It'd be nice having you down here too." Zoe nodded smiling and came into the office properly.

"They're lovely, who got you those?" Connie shrugged she hadn't looked yet. "Oh just Elliot, I'll have to thank him later." Zoe was sitting occupied at her desk while Connie took a look round at her own. She noticed two frames sitting beside the computer screen. The first held a picture of her and Grace, the one that had been ruined months before and the other was a photo of her and Cal together laughing. Connie moved to the flowers and took out the small card attached to the top. _Connie, Good luck today not that you're going to need it. I love you, Cal_

 **Runaway (U &I) by Galantis**


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